Colony of Losers- Fuck Stigma and Mental Illness, I'm like 25

Surviving your Quarter Life Crisis and becoming an adult

For Four: The Beginning

Posted on | April 6, 2010 | No Comments

“It all’s my fault,” I say. 

The boy will not stop screaming. His fingernails scratch at the six inches of water, trying to tear the eyes out of his reflection.

 In a dark cave, away from the devastation, I am torturing the boy who was supposed to save the world.

“You’re going to have to stop crying for a moment,” I say. “It’s not your fault. You were trying to do the right thing. And if it helps, remember you put a smile on my face.” 

I grasp the boy’s hand in my own, smile again within the darkness and snap both of his wrists. “I feel very badly but there is nothing I can do, I tell him. “I must know the truth. I am going to tell you a story. I think you may be the only one left to hear it.”

Outside great piles of ashes fall to the ground and fire smolders, remnants of a once great light. Inside the locked room, hundreds of meters beneath the earth, the boy will not stop screaming. I continue. “Above the gates of hell, the words ‘Love Made Me’ were inscribed. My tale is the story of the man who wrote those words. I want you to know I only have the ’best’ of intentions. If you can tell me what the story means I will let you live.”
The boy shivers as I put the pistol into the soft spot in the back of his skull. He cannot stop crying. He jerks when he feels my needle pierce the back of his neck, twists as the plunger pushes the fluid into his bloodstream, jerks as the drug begins to have its effect.

“It’s not poison, it simply induces paralysis. Rest easy,” I say, as he goes limp in my arms. “You need to listen carefully and now I have a captive audience. The fate of the world lies in your small broken hands. My story begins with a beautiful girl smiling. How it ends is entirely up to you.”



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    Michael Kimber is a 26-year-old journalist who suffered a nervous breakdown on November 3rd, 2009. On March 28th, 2010 when he recovered from mental illness, he began writing a blog called Colony-of-losers. About falling on your face to figure out who you are and the hilarious antics of a blond jew. What began with a few friends and his mother reading has become a cult phenomenon, averaging 10,000 views a week, receiving praise from Commonwealth Award Winner Shandi Mitchell and many others. On, November 3rd, 2010, the one year anniversary of his mental breakdown he signed with Anne McDermid and Associates, the largest literary agency in Canada. In a year he went from wearing pajamas, making his couch depression HQ to leaving his hometown for the Toronto, where he exclusively wears business suits and the armor of ancient Greeks. Don't worry, he's still choking on the feet he contently sticks in his mouth and making moments awkward just by being part of them. During these struggles he met other talented bastards and drew them into his circle. Peter Diamond became his illustrator. Patrick Campbell his video editor and part time photographer. He recently added the incredibly talented John Packman as Colony of Losers Toronto photographer. Without the support of the Colony of Losers, Michael Kimber would be nothing. Welcome to the losers and the success that comes from utter and complete failure. You aren’t alone. Follow him on If you’d like to hire him for a public speaking engagement for mental health events in Toronto, like to arrange an interview, offer millions to publish his book or for another reason contact Michael please email him. And join his facebook Colony of Losers.

    Really obvious disclaimer:
    I’m not a trained psychologist. Just a fellow traveler. If you need help seek it from the professionals. The Canadian Mental Health Association provides a help locator. You can find crisis resources provided by the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. If you are in the states check here. It will give you services by zip code. I’d also recommend checking out I think they do great work and have been a help to me personally.

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