Colony of Losers- Fuck Stigma and Mental Illness, I'm like 25

Surviving your Quarter Life Crisis and becoming an adult

Ambergris#3

Posted on | March 21, 2013 | 1 Comment

Welcome to the world of Ambergris where a young sea world employee must seduce a whale to free his imprisoned giantess lover from the clutches of the dastardly Frenchmen.

Dearest Adrianna,

Why am I making seductive whale sounds that may remind some reggae fans of Bob Marley’s last words?

Why am I dressed up as a dolphin hoping that they are considered the sexy urchins of the sea?

Why am I disappointed that Methias the Whale finds my rubber form ridiculous and mocks me with his laughter? The answer is simple. I love you.

To properly explain the story we must go back 38 years ago.

My grandfather was a retired fisherman in Nova Scotia.

His inability to catch a single fish in 12 years had near crippled him.

Even the sound of water dripping from the tap had him reaching for a bottle of Old Sam’s rum. He lived near the ocean and peering out his window would result in a feverish attack of  panic. As such he lived in constant drunken terror.  You see he liked to draw murals of the ocean for the local postcard company to pay his rent.

One day my Grandfather decided to face his fear and go for a swim. He got as far as the beach when he slipped on an oily white viscous rock like substance. My grandfather broke his back and died.  A blind man found his corpse.

His killer was the seemingly harmless rock. After the blind man’s guard dog had finished licking the smelly rock, the police brought the rock in for questioning.  It turned out that the rock was a substance called Ambergris. The blind man became monstrously wealthy and bought the eyes of a starving child in Africa. The point is so simple that even the blind man can now see with his currently perfect eyesight.

My grandfather could have been rich. I would have been able to afford to follow to France.

It doesn’t seem that there is much in the way of interspecies attraction between dolphin and sperm whales. Or perhaps the cunning beast has seen through my ruse.  I fear to see the behemoth in heat and the rapturous eruption from it’s blow hole. Love is hard.  I will free you from the army of midgets that have imprisoned you. I will feel the cool whisper of your gullet on my neck.

Tomorrow I will dress up as mackerel. Thank god for the costume’s stores 20 thousand leagues under the sea section.

Pray for me,

Michael Gray Kimber

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One Response to “Ambergris#3”

  1. Dr. Pullen
    August 5th, 2013 @ 1:13 pm

    Love the sarcasm and humor on a serious topic. Sometimes just behaving normally can help things be a little more normal.

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    Michael Kimber is a 26-year-old journalist who suffered a nervous breakdown on November 3rd, 2009. On March 28th, 2010 when he recovered from mental illness, he began writing a blog called Colony-of-losers. About falling on your face to figure out who you are and the hilarious antics of a blond jew. What began with a few friends and his mother reading has become a cult phenomenon, averaging 10,000 views a week, receiving praise from Commonwealth Award Winner Shandi Mitchell and many others. On, November 3rd, 2010, the one year anniversary of his mental breakdown he signed with Anne McDermid and Associates, the largest literary agency in Canada. In a year he went from wearing pajamas, making his couch depression HQ to leaving his hometown for the Toronto, where he exclusively wears business suits and the armor of ancient Greeks. Don't worry, he's still choking on the feet he contently sticks in his mouth and making moments awkward just by being part of them. During these struggles he met other talented bastards and drew them into his circle. Peter Diamond became his illustrator. Patrick Campbell his video editor and part time photographer. He recently added the incredibly talented John Packman as Colony of Losers Toronto photographer. Without the support of the Colony of Losers, Michael Kimber would be nothing. Welcome to the losers and the success that comes from utter and complete failure. You aren’t alone. Follow him on twitter.com/colonyoflosersand twitter.com/quimbo. If you’d like to hire him for a public speaking engagement for mental health events in Toronto, like to arrange an interview, offer millions to publish his book or for another reason contact Michael please email him. And join his facebook Colony of Losers.

    Really obvious disclaimer:
    I’m not a trained psychologist. Just a fellow traveler. If you need help seek it from the professionals. The Canadian Mental Health Association provides a help locator. You can find crisis resources provided by the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. If you are in the states check here. It will give you services by zip code. I’d also recommend checking out Mindyourmind.ca. I think they do great work and have been a help to me personally.

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