Posted on | October 4, 2013 | 1 Comment
I have always been a fan of music and writing letters. And I’d really like your opinion on something. And I didn’t know who to ask so I figured you might have an answer. Because you’re famous and you know who to trust.
My ankle hurts. I used to play alot of basketball. I was never particularly good at basketball but I developed a passion for it this summer. I guess it was to get in shape and maybe meet a nice girl who likes that I play basketball. You know someone who accepts me for me even if I change who that is to meet someone. Not that I’d do that but you know what I mean. People always want you to be something and sometimes you have to give it to them. I mean what would Macdonalds be if they served healthy food. Bankrupt.
Anyways I was playing a few weeks ago and my ankle started to hurt. So I played a little less. I mean I still play but not as much because my ankle hurts. I thought maybe I’d talk to a doctor about it but they Dr.Phil hasn’t been answering my emails. I think he might be anti-semite. He just doesn’t look very Jew friendly. Not like he is in the Klan but I think he probably hates me. Do you ever get that feeling when you watch his show and he doesn’t respond when you shout at the TV screen?
I guess you don’t. Because you probably have his cellphone number. Did he like Wrecking Ball? I thought it was okay. But I’m not a possible anti-semite.
So I’m playing basketball and this old dude walks up to me. He has a shaggy beard, like he has part of a dog on his face. One of those dogs that look like portable couches. He says you will never be Jordan. And I just looked at him in shock. I wasn’t trying to be Michael Jordan but I can totally understand why he would think that. I mean Michael Jordan does also play basketball and I guess he does it better than I do. But I didn’t like the old man. I think he might be anti-semite. Not Michael Jordan. The old man. I don’t know how Michael Jordan feels about Jews. He does have a very large tongue. I’m tongue tied. It doesn’t really affect much. I guess that really doesn’t explain the whole Mid East situation right now. His tongue has little to do with genocide, chemical weapons and Syria. But he’s pretty good at basketball.
I play sports mainly to get exercise because it makes me feel more relaxed. I’d certainly play with you guys if you were in Toronto. I don’t know if I’d win. Miley is in pretty good shape. Which is the first thing I thought when I saw your recent pictures. You’d probably beat me in a game of Basketball. Do you recycle? I think you should. If you don’t have a basketball you could toss that can you put in your crotch in the trash and practice. Unless someone buys it on ebay. I was wondering what you guys thought about the shutdown of the American government? Do you think it happened because people were watching Breaking Bad and trying to figure out how to make meth. I don’t think that. I just thought you might have an inside track on the whole thing.
Anyways my ankle hurts. I don’t know if you’ve read my blog but I do a lot of talking about mental illness. Anxiety and all that stuff. Sometimes my fans send me letters that make me sad. I wonder why they haven’t sent me open letters. I expect they might post somethings about your debate over mental illness. And whether the Disneyclub taught you anything about it. I also wondered where in Montana, Hannah was from or if that was just a gimmick to get people to watch the show.
I don’t really want to ask you guys about mental illness. Because frankly if Dr.Phil can’t help me with my ankle, you guys probably won’t respond to me when I talk about my anxiety. My anxiety is mainly about whether or not I’ll be able to make it to the NBA. My dad didn’t play basketball. He was a writer who talks about world events. He hasn’t written much about you guys. Mainly about people being wrongly put in prison and social issues. You might not have read his stuff. That’s okay. He teaches Journalism and he doesn’t think it’s important to cover gossip. And he married a Jew. So he’s not an anti-semite despite Izzy Asper’s claims in the 1990s.
I’m thinking I’d like attention for my true passion. Which isn’t writing. It’s basketball.
I just don’t know if I’m good enough and that old man really shook my confidence.
Do you guys know why my ankle hurts?
I’m sorry if my letter somehow trivalizes your conversation about twerking, molestation and priests, mental illness and naked pictures on the internet. I guess we aren’t really talking about the same thing and it’s inappropriate to have real conversations about such divergent issues.
One last question. Miley are you imitating Jordan when you stick out your tongue like that?
In closing, I don’t think any of you have real problems with the Jews. But I do have a problem with my ankle. It hurts.