Colony of Losers- Fuck Stigma and Mental Illness, I'm like 25

Surviving your Quarter Life Crisis and becoming an adult

Your self and decorating the room you place your self in

Posted on | May 24, 2017 | No Comments

So first thing I did was take off my belt.

I mean it would have been too tight. And I don’t normally take my belt off in public but I’m meditating and I’m going to be sitting for a while. So I walk across the room clutching my belt, trying to look like I have no idea of hitting anyone with it. I put it in the cloak room. I sniff. My socks smell. Not bad. Sort of good. Odd.

I return to my cushion.

I sit down. I flex my back, and try to keep my shoulders straight and breath in at a normal pace.

I close my eyes and after about fifteen minutes I have this idea that feels like I should pay attention to it. More like a picture that forms in my head. Of a room.

Where I see myself. And it’s in my hands.

(You’re such a fucking disgusting pervert. That is not what I meant at all. )

I imagine my self in this very particular room.  Like full bodied image. Michael Kimber with the beard and pants with no belt. With this thing in my hands and it’s my self. Sort of a sculpture like thing. A mould like whatever they’re fucking with in the movie Ghost. And I’m changing it. Manipulating it. Making it more pleasing to other people. Making it more what I want it to be. Something beautiful. And I have been working away at this developing sculpture for a long time. It’s here that I’m making my life. All in an attempt to have this beautiful thing to show people.

So that I can be worth something.

In modern day society you are told in subconscious advertising chants that to be ordinary is to be exceptional. You will deserve to be loved when you climb the Himalayas. And I spend time here. Crafting it. Over and over. Hardening edges. Sharpening the image. Creating this clarity that creates this feeling of security. So that I can say I am this thing. Only I can feel my hands on every part of this thing I’m supposed to be. And I’m not alone in the room.

There are a lot of other people and their having wine and making witty comments about this artifice I’m making. I can see their eyes and hear their voices and know what reaction they are having as I work with my hands on this sculpture. And it’s this weird feeling that I’m choosing people to match this thing I’m making. I hate dressing up. I hate putting product in my hair because I don’t want to put on a show for people. But everything has to coincide with this thing in my hands. And there’s this super wide world that exists within me that is outside of that continuum and that image I’m crafting. And there’s more to life than the creation of this one thing that people might appreciate under a certain light.

And it occurs to me that there are moments where my hands get tired or the day is so beautiful that for a little while you stop trying to make the couch match the drapes. And there is more to life than this thing in your hands.

And I fart. And everyone in the meditation center dies.

The end.



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  • About

    Michael Kimber is a 26-year-old journalist who suffered a nervous breakdown on November 3rd, 2009. On March 28th, 2010 when he recovered from mental illness, he began writing a blog called Colony-of-losers. About falling on your face to figure out who you are and the hilarious antics of a blond jew. What began with a few friends and his mother reading has become a cult phenomenon, averaging 10,000 views a week, receiving praise from Commonwealth Award Winner Shandi Mitchell and many others. On, November 3rd, 2010, the one year anniversary of his mental breakdown he signed with Anne McDermid and Associates, the largest literary agency in Canada. In a year he went from wearing pajamas, making his couch depression HQ to leaving his hometown for the Toronto, where he exclusively wears business suits and the armor of ancient Greeks. Don't worry, he's still choking on the feet he contently sticks in his mouth and making moments awkward just by being part of them. During these struggles he met other talented bastards and drew them into his circle. Peter Diamond became his illustrator. Patrick Campbell his video editor and part time photographer. He recently added the incredibly talented John Packman as Colony of Losers Toronto photographer. Without the support of the Colony of Losers, Michael Kimber would be nothing. Welcome to the losers and the success that comes from utter and complete failure. You aren’t alone. Follow him on If you’d like to hire him for a public speaking engagement for mental health events in Toronto, like to arrange an interview, offer millions to publish his book or for another reason contact Michael please email him. And join his facebook Colony of Losers.

    Really obvious disclaimer:
    I’m not a trained psychologist. Just a fellow traveler. If you need help seek it from the professionals. The Canadian Mental Health Association provides a help locator. You can find crisis resources provided by the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. If you are in the states check here. It will give you services by zip code. I’d also recommend checking out I think they do great work and have been a help to me personally.

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