Colony of Losers- Fuck Stigma and Mental Illness, I'm like 25

Surviving your Quarter Life Crisis and becoming an adult


Posted on | May 29, 2017 | No Comments

You know when you smell someone and your heart starts to race.

And you think to yourself how do they make that perfume?

Well, I’m not an expert but a part of it is a thing called ambergris

Sounds good, right?

Like ambrosia, fruit of the Gods.

Well ambergris is something sperm whales ejaculate.

Yes you’re 200 dollar vial of ambrosia, has a tiny bit of whale cum in it. Which is the most expensive part of the perfume to acquire. 71 thousand for just over a kilogram of it.

You see the top odour of your favourite perfume is something sweet or spicy or soothing, but it needs a really bad smell to make it palatable to our senses.

Otherwise we’d find the scent cloying and obnoxious.

That how human noses work.

That’s how human beings work.

See the perfume that advertisers tell us will help us fall in love is created with the purest knowledge of how we fall in love. That sweet alone would make us nauseous.

That without the awful we wouldn’t be able to enjoy anything.

I knew this girl and her first boyfriend wore Old Spice. And she’d get her new boyfriends to wear Old Spice. Such a small thing but she needed it and she was lucky because everyone wears Old Spice. She was a person who enjoyed sex with a lot of different men and did it in a way that made her happy. And I think there’s a lot to envy in having such a mundane kink.

Now polar bears will actually cross continents to find their love’s scent.

Whole continents where I’m sure there are a ton of polar bears looking to fuck, looking to cuddle.

And we get it.
I mean we all watched Sleepless In Seattle while trying to cop a feel. We all found Romeo and Juliet romantic when we were kids.

And we all fell in love and acted ridiculously our first time

Our first time is deeply etched in our hearts in a way that doesn’t disappear, in some ways the best time of your life and also the most embarrassing. Because you were insane

You said things, did things,

Because you felt like you couldn’t live without it

And that’s a crazy thing to feel

And the heartbreak was so memorable because you didn’t know if you’d be okay.

And when your heartbreaks and comes back together again

You don’t love the same way

And there’s something really vivid in those memories even when you call them up now.

Because it’s so goddamn messy that it’s hard to separate the sweet from the sickening

And whatever happened there

There are scents that remind you what that feeling was like

And every part of brain fires at the same time

When you get a little bit of anything that coincidentally surrounded the first time you fell in love.

In the case of my one friend Old Spice

In the case of others, the taste of vodka and being so drunk you can barely see

Of cocaine and dancing all night

A person that hates themselves

A person that hates you

A person that makes you feel so much better it broke you

Who smashed your dreams and it truly woke you

Huge arguments over nothing where you say the worst things before you say the best

And the endless cycle of fucking and fighting as you long you feel it

Major key emotions, where reasonable conversation sometimes feels so sweet and cloying

That it makes you sick to your stomach

Well a little sour can whet the appetite.

Everyone says we have a type

But why do you like what you like

Close your eyes and feel the fluorescent lights

And for a moment you’re walking in the same clouds you fell from like little baby angels who used their good thoughts to fly

See you haven’t really gotten past Romeo and Juliet

You still want a love that lives past death

Because it’s not just the sweet that you seek out

It’s the sick undertones and familiar trauma

How many times have those two sweet kids woken up a second too late and ended up in their graves? How many types have you gotten new actors to play the same parts in the hopes that at the end of play, the words will change and no one will break your heart

See that’s why you have a type

Because we found love once when we lived without it

And we turn our regrets into other people

And our actions into other words

We believe that we can replay our past in our present

And fix all tragedies and wounds

Feverishly rewinding the strings we placed around our hearts

To make music out of our nostalgia and happy ending out of heart ache

Romeo and Juliet will live happily ever after

The lark unheard over their laughter

In hopes of a life we shoulda lead

Where we never had to get out of bed

See I’m not saying this is a bad thing

It’s okay that you know what you like

It’s okay that when you found love you went searching for it again in all the same places

I mean Leonard Cohen spent five years rewriting Hallejuah

Within a group of mismatched words

Frantically scrawled in dozens of journals

Words crossed out

Sentences deleted and resurrected like Jesus on Sunday

There was a song that would move millions to tears

See there’s so much here when you’re willing to work on it

And you don’t have to fight your feelings because you can’t

To be alive is to be moved by the power of scent

And I believe adults can love more than children do

If they don’t let themselves get to scared to



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    Michael Kimber is a 26-year-old journalist who suffered a nervous breakdown on November 3rd, 2009. On March 28th, 2010 when he recovered from mental illness, he began writing a blog called Colony-of-losers. About falling on your face to figure out who you are and the hilarious antics of a blond jew. What began with a few friends and his mother reading has become a cult phenomenon, averaging 10,000 views a week, receiving praise from Commonwealth Award Winner Shandi Mitchell and many others. On, November 3rd, 2010, the one year anniversary of his mental breakdown he signed with Anne McDermid and Associates, the largest literary agency in Canada. In a year he went from wearing pajamas, making his couch depression HQ to leaving his hometown for the Toronto, where he exclusively wears business suits and the armor of ancient Greeks. Don't worry, he's still choking on the feet he contently sticks in his mouth and making moments awkward just by being part of them. During these struggles he met other talented bastards and drew them into his circle. Peter Diamond became his illustrator. Patrick Campbell his video editor and part time photographer. He recently added the incredibly talented John Packman as Colony of Losers Toronto photographer. Without the support of the Colony of Losers, Michael Kimber would be nothing. Welcome to the losers and the success that comes from utter and complete failure. You aren’t alone. Follow him on If you’d like to hire him for a public speaking engagement for mental health events in Toronto, like to arrange an interview, offer millions to publish his book or for another reason contact Michael please email him. And join his facebook Colony of Losers.

    Really obvious disclaimer:
    I’m not a trained psychologist. Just a fellow traveler. If you need help seek it from the professionals. The Canadian Mental Health Association provides a help locator. You can find crisis resources provided by the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. If you are in the states check here. It will give you services by zip code. I’d also recommend checking out I think they do great work and have been a help to me personally.

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