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Seeing The Future

Posted on | August 27, 2017 | No Comments

There’s a good deal of literature about what would happen if you were able to know the future. I’m not talking just Biff and his sports betting book. There’s something else. Underlying it all is the idea that there is a right choice we should have or could have made. Because Hollywood is cheesy the right choice is generally speaking whatever choice you originally made because time travel doesn’t exist and we have to be happy with what happened. But it’s that underlying idea of a right choice that interests me. That I think collectively haunts us all.

That with these collection of choices we will arrive in our ideal destination. It’s this feeling that makes us look at our life and wish for something more. The concept of time travel pivots around a strange hope. That through our journey through time we will arrive in a world where time doesn’t touch the things we love and the times we look back on with the greatest fondness. That in some future we are always as in love as we were at the beginning. That we will always feel the same sense of awe when we reach the summit. And that when we change what we regret we won’t regret the change.

I want to take about that place you think you’ll get to. A bright and shimmery world like the ones actors live in commercials and actors live in love stories starring Ryan Gosling.

This place without time.

I think the biggest case against knowing the results of our actions is that we wouldn’t do anything at all.

Imagine a world where when you say hello and are filled with that laughing sense of ease you get to watch that person die in your arms. Imagine trying to enjoy the first six months of new love with the actual knowledge of the way your relationship will and must change. Would you start a conversation if you could remember every fight you’ll ever have? The things you shouldn’t have said and they shouldn’t have said. Could love begin if we saw people exactly as they are with all of their immoveable flaws right at the beginning?

We’d hold onto that dumb idea of a right decision. One that could avoid these places. And you’d live alone because you know that someday you’ll meet someone who’s magic and can let you live in that place. You wouldn’t do anything because ultimately best case scenario is you meet someone who’s amazing and you die before they do. And this is the cliche place to focus. Rather than you’d wake up with the very best person you’ve ever met and wonder if this was the right choice. If there isn’t someone you could love more.

Our lives aren’t just defined by who we love. Also by our work. Imagine if you were able to see exactly what it felt like after you succeeded at that long sought after task. What would you do if you knew it wouldn’t fill that hole in you? If that hole is just a part of being alive and that as humans we are   given the irrational hope that there is a deeper and truer world then the one we get to see. We are trained to believe in heaven on Earth because the ultimate purpose in advertising is to create a larger and large hole in you so that you buy things to fill it.

If we were able to see the future we would know that everything breaks and changes and dies. How could you do anything if you truly understood that all paths lead to the same place?

The answer is simple.

With delightful delusion.

We can’t see the future. We can’t know what will come. But we can know that everyone walks around with a heavy head on their shoulders. Wishing there was something more. Feeling that hole in themselves. Berating themselves for not being able to fill it. And there’s something about that spot. That unfillable hole that creates a love for other people that isn’t a perfect peaceful place but as powerful as entropy. We’re never kinder as human as when we see the pain of others become manifest.

And the reassuring knowledge we aren’t alone.

There isn’t a secret.

There isn’t a clean way to live and not suffer tremendous grief.

You are smart. You’ve been looking.

You’ve tried. It isn’t there.

You know everything breaks. Everything dies. Everything disappears.

And you rage into the dying of the light.

Not because you will reach that secret place and find what you’ve been told to look for.

No.

Because you’ve seen things truly break until they can’t be repaired. You’ve lost people that you can’t get back.

You don’t miss their perfections but their complexity.

And you understand how lucky it is to be able to hold things close to your heart as they travel through time and space. And you long to have your heart broken.

Because you’re still alive.

And there is no better place to be.

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    Michael Kimber is a 26-year-old journalist who suffered a nervous breakdown on November 3rd, 2009. On March 28th, 2010 when he recovered from mental illness, he began writing a blog called Colony-of-losers. About falling on your face to figure out who you are and the hilarious antics of a blond jew. What began with a few friends and his mother reading has become a cult phenomenon, averaging 10,000 views a week, receiving praise from Commonwealth Award Winner Shandi Mitchell and many others. On, November 3rd, 2010, the one year anniversary of his mental breakdown he signed with Anne McDermid and Associates, the largest literary agency in Canada. In a year he went from wearing pajamas, making his couch depression HQ to leaving his hometown for the Toronto, where he exclusively wears business suits and the armor of ancient Greeks. Don't worry, he's still choking on the feet he contently sticks in his mouth and making moments awkward just by being part of them. During these struggles he met other talented bastards and drew them into his circle. Peter Diamond became his illustrator. Patrick Campbell his video editor and part time photographer. He recently added the incredibly talented John Packman as Colony of Losers Toronto photographer. Without the support of the Colony of Losers, Michael Kimber would be nothing. Welcome to the losers and the success that comes from utter and complete failure. You aren’t alone. Follow him on twitter.com/colonyoflosersand twitter.com/quimbo. If you’d like to hire him for a public speaking engagement for mental health events in Toronto, like to arrange an interview, offer millions to publish his book or for another reason contact Michael please email him. And join his facebook Colony of Losers.

    Really obvious disclaimer:
    I’m not a trained psychologist. Just a fellow traveler. If you need help seek it from the professionals. The Canadian Mental Health Association provides a help locator. You can find crisis resources provided by the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. If you are in the states check here. It will give you services by zip code. I’d also recommend checking out Mindyourmind.ca. I think they do great work and have been a help to me personally.

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