Colony of Losers- Fuck Stigma and Mental Illness, I'm like 25

Surviving your Quarter Life Crisis and becoming an adult

Love Story

Posted on | March 21, 2018 | No Comments

I think one of the foremost misconceptions about all forms of love is the idea that you’ll feel it all the time if you feel it at all. That if there are moments when it goes away it was never there in the first place.

Or that if it’s real it will be easy. We give a lot of credence to the idea of a miraculous love, whether it’s romantic or spiritual. When we should celebrate hard work, rather than a good story. When every marriage has to survive the times when love disappears and staying kind and open is the only way to wait for it to return.

I think our love for ourselves is a lot like this. I think that you don’t get to feel it all the time. That you have to wait for it to return and to make sure it does you have to be kind to yourself. And I think that what makes that possible is the belief that you can learn.

Self-hatred performs a similar miracle to fated love. It’s a way of saying that you don’t have a choice in what happens in your life. It’s a way of abdicating responsibility. And there are things you haven’t tried. Discussions you haven’t attempted. In fact, most of us have tried very little to sweep ourselves off our feet. Because when the love disappears for a short time we go mad and chase after it in other people, in substances, in art, in whatever a little effort will provide the illusion of easily maintainable joy. Because we refuse to acknowledge our pain. So we don’t comfort ourselves when we feel it. We grow less sensitive to our feelings and less sensitive to the feelings of people we know. And we get a little tougher. Because shouldn’t this be easier? Aren’t we doing it wrong?

You have a duty to be kind to yourself.

So that you don’t use your genuine hurt and sadness as an excuse for cruelty. So that you don’t turn away love when it comes for you with open arms. So that you can take responsibility for the parts of your life that can be better with just a little effort. Because in life everything creates more of itself. Your self-hatred becomes others injury in real life. Your love can become more love. Your kindness and cruelty can move like cure and cancer through conversation with everyone you meet.

But it starts inside. When the love goes away. And you’re kind to yourself until it returns.

If you’re waiting for it to return, I want you to know that you deserve it. You’re worthy. You can find it again. You just have to patient,  you have to be kind and you have to keep your eyes open so you can hold onto yourself when you need to.

The idea that love is easy, that it’s fated, that is present in all moments if it’s real is a lie that hurts us all and makes us believe we haven’t truly experienced the only thing that makes life worth living.

It’s a love story.



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    Michael Kimber is a 26-year-old journalist who suffered a nervous breakdown on November 3rd, 2009. On March 28th, 2010 when he recovered from mental illness, he began writing a blog called Colony-of-losers. About falling on your face to figure out who you are and the hilarious antics of a blond jew. What began with a few friends and his mother reading has become a cult phenomenon, averaging 10,000 views a week, receiving praise from Commonwealth Award Winner Shandi Mitchell and many others. On, November 3rd, 2010, the one year anniversary of his mental breakdown he signed with Anne McDermid and Associates, the largest literary agency in Canada. In a year he went from wearing pajamas, making his couch depression HQ to leaving his hometown for the Toronto, where he exclusively wears business suits and the armor of ancient Greeks. Don't worry, he's still choking on the feet he contently sticks in his mouth and making moments awkward just by being part of them. During these struggles he met other talented bastards and drew them into his circle. Peter Diamond became his illustrator. Patrick Campbell his video editor and part time photographer. He recently added the incredibly talented John Packman as Colony of Losers Toronto photographer. Without the support of the Colony of Losers, Michael Kimber would be nothing. Welcome to the losers and the success that comes from utter and complete failure. You aren’t alone. Follow him on If you’d like to hire him for a public speaking engagement for mental health events in Toronto, like to arrange an interview, offer millions to publish his book or for another reason contact Michael please email him. And join his facebook Colony of Losers.

    Really obvious disclaimer:
    I’m not a trained psychologist. Just a fellow traveler. If you need help seek it from the professionals. The Canadian Mental Health Association provides a help locator. You can find crisis resources provided by the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. If you are in the states check here. It will give you services by zip code. I’d also recommend checking out I think they do great work and have been a help to me personally.

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