Enjoying the view

Posted on | May 5, 2019 | No Comments

It’s easy to search for yourself in other people’s attention. To define yourself by what they see. It’s a stranger and more interesting thought experiment to see yourself in others. I often do this when I’m sad and I gaze at people in the subway in the mornings and warm myself on how tired and depressed they all look. Like we are in this together guys. It sucks for everyone.

I found myself doing this in a different way today at the park. There was a young couple who was also a new couple because there were grossly making out in the park and I judged them. Forgetting how hilariously childish I am whenever I fall in love and realize that person is right there beside me and can be touched.

I turned my head and saw someone staring at their laptop screen with insane fascination even though the sun was reflecting off his screen. I saw two best friends smoking a joint and laughing and telling the stupidest stories I’ve ever heard. And it occurred to me that I’ve been these people and will be them again.

The human experience is a continuum not one moment stretched one forever.

I’ve been the new couple and the stoner and the cartoonist working on his laptop in the glare of sunlight. I’ve been the broken-hearted young dude experiencing his first break up unable to feel the warmth of the sun on his skin because I was trapped in my mind.

If you walk down the street and look you can see people all experiencing the same palette of feelings. Everything you feel is felt by millions of people.

The couple will one day experience the broken-heartedness of the young man and that young man will one day skip down the street humming Leon Bridges.

If you walk down the street and seriously look you can see how much more you are going to feel as long as you continue moving through all the versions of yourself you get to be. You can see their pain and know it as your own and open your heart to it. Because you’re never going to figure it all out. You have been full of success and had a guaranteed future and that disappeared. You have been broke and spending money hurt you. You’ve been careless and bought things you didn’t need and that disappeared too.

You can smile at their first kisses. You can laugh at their stoned out puns. Remembering when those moments were yours.

You aren’t special. You get heartbreak and you get laughter and you get to be kissed. I’m not speaking of solipsism or to imagine we are living exactly the same experience. But when you walk down a street in summer you can see how much bigger you are than the space you currently inhabit.

And it feels nice to be a part of something so ridiculous and vast.

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About

Michael Kimber is a 26-year-old journalist who suffered a nervous breakdown on November 3rd, 2009. On March 28th, 2010 when he recovered from mental illness, he began writing a blog called Colony-of-losers. About falling on your face to figure out who you are and the hilarious antics of a blond jew. What began with a few friends and his mother reading has become a cult phenomenon, averaging 10,000 views a week, receiving praise from Commonwealth Award Winner Shandi Mitchell and many others. On, November 3rd, 2010, the one year anniversary of his mental breakdown he signed with Anne McDermid and Associates, the largest literary agency in Canada. In a year he went from wearing pajamas, making his couch depression HQ to leaving his hometown for the Toronto, where he exclusively wears business suits and the armor of ancient Greeks. Don't worry, he's still choking on the feet he contently sticks in his mouth and making moments awkward just by being part of them. During these struggles he met other talented bastards and drew them into his circle. Peter Diamond became his illustrator. Patrick Campbell his video editor and part time photographer. He recently added the incredibly talented John Packman as Colony of Losers Toronto photographer. Without the support of the Colony of Losers, Michael Kimber would be nothing. Welcome to the losers and the success that comes from utter and complete failure. You aren’t alone. Follow him on twitter.com/colonyoflosersand twitter.com/quimbo. If you’d like to hire him for a public speaking engagement for mental health events in Toronto, like to arrange an interview, offer millions to publish his book or for another reason contact Michael please email him. And join his facebook Colony of Losers.

Really obvious disclaimer:
I’m not a trained psychologist. Just a fellow traveler. If you need help seek it from the professionals. The Canadian Mental Health Association provides a help locator. You can find crisis resources provided by the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. If you are in the states check here. It will give you services by zip code. I’d also recommend checking out Mindyourmind.ca. I think they do great work and have been a help to me personally.