Words from Myself As A 75 Year Old British Man

Members of the Colony might remember that two years I found myself on the internet and his name was Michael G Kimber and he wrote novels that he posted online. You can read about it here: http://colony-of-losers.com/wordpress/2010/12/10/the-return-of-michael-george-kimber/ He is 75 years old and British. Immediately we had a strange kinship you can only experience when [...]

Under the Apple Tree: III No One Dies

III No One Dies His mother’s headache developed the day they arrived in Prag. She babbled insensibly while he pretended to sleep. She got worse with the weather as the torrents of rain became storms of snow and so too did she descend, getting colder and colder, further and further removed from her boy and [...]

MEANING OF LIFE: TITS ON PURPOSE

I was sitting in Kensington Market when I saw a beautiful topless girl. This sparked a thought that would go from Facebook photoshopped statuses to genocide to the miracle of life, and a meaning beyond purpose. Enjoy the view.

English Lessons

“This girl at Kevin’s party didn’t like my Western shirt,” I say to the French girl. “Neither did I. It was a stupid shirt.” It isn’t a stupid shirt, it is blue and has cactus and makes me look like a Jewish cowboy. This isn’t the time to get into this argument. This is her [...]

Saving Eachother and Subway Delays

I go to a place called Hadleys because they treat their customers like family. If you knew me from Halifax, I got my hallmark cards from a place called Spartan where a few Greek ladies saved the city with rice pudding and breakfast specials. They showed me that you could live small and have a [...]

Failure of Imagination: Rants on Porn, Depression, Love and Tragedy

The first time I really thought about the concept of Me, involved eating a chewy handful of mushrooms in my first year of university. I was 18 years old, playing the friendliest game of NHL 94 in the history of time with my best friend. I was thirsty but all I had was orange juice [...]

Speech at Ryerson: “Too Far From Heaven”

Sometimes I think tequila is a good idea. I once got so drunk on tequila in University, that I came up to my residence room, determined to get back to the party when the world stopped spinning, that I turned up Wu Tang Clan’s Ain’t Nothing To Fuck With, so loudly that it shook the [...]

We Have To Make It Better

On June 28th, 2010 I came out about my experiences with anxiety and depression. Any employer can do a Google search and find out about the battles I have fought and how close I came to losing them. I write to remind myself that the best of what I am came from emerging out of [...]

Apocalypse Affirmer: Ashford Titley explains how Judgement Day will help jobsearchers

As you may or may not have noticed I’ve opened up the Colony of Losers to guest posts. Two great authors from Newfoundland, Shannon Webb Campbell and Chad Pelley, posted some excellent stories on struggling through your 20s. I somehow managed to land the greatest coup of them all and convinced the legendary Ashford Titley [...]

A Night With “Eugene Levy”: Complicated Compassion for a Crackhead

My conversation companion and I are talking quite heatedly about nothing. The purpose of the discussion is to distract him from the Queen sipping a gin and tonic in her Medieval Times crown. “You ever get so drunk you can’t see straight, Eugene?” “Eugene who?” Off to the side of us the people I came [...]

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About

Michael Kimber is a 26-year-old journalist who suffered a nervous breakdown on November 3rd, 2009. On March 28th, 2010 when he recovered from mental illness, he began writing a blog called Colony-of-losers. About falling on your face to figure out who you are and the hilarious antics of a blond jew. What began with a few friends and his mother reading has become a cult phenomenon, averaging 10,000 views a week, receiving praise from Commonwealth Award Winner Shandi Mitchell and many others. On, November 3rd, 2010, the one year anniversary of his mental breakdown he signed with Anne McDermid and Associates, the largest literary agency in Canada. In a year he went from wearing pajamas, making his couch depression HQ to leaving his hometown for the Toronto, where he exclusively wears business suits and the armor of ancient Greeks. Don't worry, he's still choking on the feet he contently sticks in his mouth and making moments awkward just by being part of them. During these struggles he met other talented bastards and drew them into his circle. Peter Diamond became his illustrator. Patrick Campbell his video editor and part time photographer. He recently added the incredibly talented John Packman as Colony of Losers Toronto photographer. Without the support of the Colony of Losers, Michael Kimber would be nothing. Welcome to the losers and the success that comes from utter and complete failure. You aren’t alone. Follow him on twitter.com/colonyoflosersand twitter.com/quimbo. If you’d like to hire him for a public speaking engagement for mental health events in Toronto, like to arrange an interview, offer millions to publish his book or for another reason contact Michael please email him. And join his facebook Colony of Losers.

Really obvious disclaimer:
I’m not a trained psychologist. Just a fellow traveler. If you need help seek it from the professionals. The Canadian Mental Health Association provides a help locator. You can find crisis resources provided by the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. If you are in the states check here. It will give you services by zip code. I’d also recommend checking out Mindyourmind.ca. I think they do great work and have been a help to me personally.

Fantastic Thoughts of Quimbo

I suffer from anxiety, being a twenty something and having an awesome blog. Check out colony-of-losers.com

Obama should do this to Romney

Do you think the Coca Cola executive who made up Santa is in hell being tortured by the baby jesus?

I shaved my neck beard increasing my general level of handsomeness. This made me feel fit. I didn't go to the gym today for this reason.

I saw a man reading Audacity of Hope in Starbucks with tears rolling down his cheeks. The question is for what reason?

I always count on someone at a bar to instruct me to become a better person. I learned don't go to Walmart, they killed 3 billion kids.#true

Give it up for all the kids who used to chew on their hoodie handles of their sweaters.

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