MEANING OF LIFE: TITS ON PURPOSE

I was sitting in Kensington Market when I saw a beautiful topless girl. This sparked a thought that would go from Facebook photoshopped statuses to genocide to the miracle of life, and a meaning beyond purpose. Enjoy the view.

Chronicle Herald: Brutal Honesty on Blogger’s Site

About last year at this time, Michael Kimber had lost his job and was on the verge of losing the most important relationship in his life. He had struggled with sleeplessness, severe depression and anxiety since 2009, after graduating from a journalism program in Halifax. At that time, as he says in his poem The [...]

Subway Dreaming and the Drummer I didn’t kill

The woman in the seat next to me has begun to drum. I’m pretending to try to read a dirt-encrusted sign that says: Why can’t street kids just get a life? Slowly my eyes drop from the sign to the ground salt white and gray floor of the subway car. While she has broken the [...]

Happy Holidays#3: Christmas for the Jews and Papa Quimborius

My dad is driving me back from the airport. I’m making jokes and talking about my latest plots to make my dreams come true. He’s been listening to these stories since I was ten years old. When I was working on my first novel, as our idiot dog Gabby dragged me through Point Pleasant Park, [...]

CBC Interview: Carmen Klassen from Close To Home Interviews Quimbo

Rendezvous with Madness, My Suicide and Piss Paranoia

I suffer from a serious condition called “movie theatre bathroom thirst paranoia”. As soon as I take my seat the psychological warfare begins. My throat becomes parched and I suddenly need something to drink. If I don’t have water with me I find the nearest faucet and give into my thirst. Once I have done [...]

Barbershop of Horrors and November 3rd

I’m in a barbershop in Toronto wishing that I was in Halifax getting a hair cut from Phat. Phat is my Vietnamese master of bullshit barber who always promises his haircuts will get me laid. I’m fairly certain this haircut will not come with the same guarantee. I hate sitting through a haircut when the [...]

What the fuck is Urban Camping?

“No, seriously let’s go to the Commons,” I say. “Right now. I’ll make friends. I promise.” My buddy gives me a look that means shut the fuck up but I cannot be stopped because I’ve had a coca cola and I don’t drink caffeine and I’m buzzing like a kid at a five grade birthday [...]

Pajama Pants In My Backpack (Meeting with a Literary Agent.)

As per usual, it begins to rain less than quarter of my way to my friend’s place. Despite the intense downpour, I’m wearing a shit-eating grin when I enter his cozy basement apartment. “Titch bit wet out there, eh?” he says. “Damn right, bah,” I say exaggerating the Nova Scotian accent I don’t generally possess. [...]

Spirit Day: Children are dead and all we have left are fashion statements

I don’t own any Purple. If I did I would be wearing it today in honor of Spirit Day. I lack the clothes so instead I’m going to speak my mind on behalf of my LGBT friends. And the deep well of pain I feel when I think of what each of them has to [...]

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About

Michael Kimber is a 26-year-old journalist who suffered a nervous breakdown on November 3rd, 2009. On March 28th, 2010 when he recovered from mental illness, he began writing a blog called Colony-of-losers. About falling on your face to figure out who you are and the hilarious antics of a blond jew. What began with a few friends and his mother reading has become a cult phenomenon, averaging 10,000 views a week, receiving praise from Commonwealth Award Winner Shandi Mitchell and many others. On, November 3rd, 2010, the one year anniversary of his mental breakdown he signed with Anne McDermid and Associates, the largest literary agency in Canada. In a year he went from wearing pajamas, making his couch depression HQ to leaving his hometown for the Toronto, where he exclusively wears business suits and the armor of ancient Greeks. Don't worry, he's still choking on the feet he contently sticks in his mouth and making moments awkward just by being part of them. During these struggles he met other talented bastards and drew them into his circle. Peter Diamond became his illustrator. Patrick Campbell his video editor and part time photographer. He recently added the incredibly talented John Packman as Colony of Losers Toronto photographer. Without the support of the Colony of Losers, Michael Kimber would be nothing. Welcome to the losers and the success that comes from utter and complete failure. You aren’t alone. Follow him on twitter.com/colonyoflosersand twitter.com/quimbo. If you’d like to hire him for a public speaking engagement for mental health events in Toronto, like to arrange an interview, offer millions to publish his book or for another reason contact Michael please email him. And join his facebook Colony of Losers.

Really obvious disclaimer:
I’m not a trained psychologist. Just a fellow traveler. If you need help seek it from the professionals. The Canadian Mental Health Association provides a help locator. You can find crisis resources provided by the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. If you are in the states check here. It will give you services by zip code. I’d also recommend checking out Mindyourmind.ca. I think they do great work and have been a help to me personally.

Fantastic Thoughts of Quimbo

I suffer from anxiety, being a twenty something and having an awesome blog. Check out colony-of-losers.com

Obama should do this to Romney

Do you think the Coca Cola executive who made up Santa is in hell being tortured by the baby jesus?

I shaved my neck beard increasing my general level of handsomeness. This made me feel fit. I didn't go to the gym today for this reason.

I saw a man reading Audacity of Hope in Starbucks with tears rolling down his cheeks. The question is for what reason?

I always count on someone at a bar to instruct me to become a better person. I learned don't go to Walmart, they killed 3 billion kids.#true

Give it up for all the kids who used to chew on their hoodie handles of their sweaters.

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