Words from Myself As A 75 Year Old British Man
Members of the Colony might remember that two years ago I found myself on the internet and his name was Michael G Kimber and he wrote novels that he posted online. You can read about it here: http://colony-of-losers.com/wordpress/2010/12/10/the-return-of-michael-george-kimber/ He is 75 years old and British. Immediately we had a strange kinship you can only experience [...]
MEANING OF LIFE: TITS ON PURPOSE
I was sitting in Kensington Market when I saw a beautiful topless girl. This sparked a thought that would go from Facebook photoshopped statuses to genocide to the miracle of life, and a meaning beyond purpose. Enjoy the view.
Barbershop of Horrors and November 3rd
I’m in a barbershop in Toronto wishing that I was in Halifax getting a hair cut from Phat. Phat is my Vietnamese master of bullshit barber who always promises his haircuts will get me laid. I’m fairly certain this haircut will not come with the same guarantee. I hate sitting through a haircut when the [...]
What the fuck is Urban Camping?
“No, seriously let’s go to the Commons,” I say. “Right now. I’ll make friends. I promise.” My buddy gives me a look that means shut the fuck up but I cannot be stopped because I’ve had a coca cola and I don’t drink caffeine and I’m buzzing like a kid at a five grade birthday [...]
Letter to A Man Who Spams To Save My Sanity
When I got fucked up I went looking for some sort of one step cure to end my anxiety. Much of it is humiliating to recount. I practiced mindfulness meditation on my floor while my roommates’ cat pawed at my face and wondered why this human was acting so strangely. I watched YouTube videos that [...]
Spirit Day: Children are dead and all we have left are fashion statements
I don’t own any Purple. If I did I would be wearing it today in honor of Spirit Day. I lack the clothes so instead I’m going to speak my mind on behalf of my LGBT friends. And the deep well of pain I feel when I think of what each of them has to [...]
Cure#19: Making the Devil Dance
“It’s good to be making music again,” I say. “I don’t think we’ve done this since we free styled that song about sacrificing a virgin at that party. You know the night that guy smashed a glass on your face.” Surprisingly we’ve done two songs about sacrificing a virgin but there seems little reason to [...]
Origins of Colony of Losers: The Day That No One Could Save Me
Reprinted with permission from Halifax Magazine’s October 3rd issue. THE DAY THAT NO ONE COULD SAVE ME An up-and-coming Halifax writer explains how a nervous breakdown jumpstarted his career By Michael Kimber Editor’s Note: Michael Kimber is a 26-year-old journalism graduate who created Colony-of-Losers.com, a record of his quarter-life crisis and struggle to grow up [...]
Michael Kimber’s insane book proposal
Do you know what its like having to try to breath I can remember when I couldn’t remember sleep For days and weeks When I was scared to death of it, because my mind which hated me wouldn’t leave Michael Kimber was barely there, adapting to speak, during rare moments of release, when exercise gave [...]
Cure#18: Sex, Drugs and Raoul
A lot of the moments where my life changed looked exactly the same. My head slunked to my chest, eyes blurry from lack of sleep, my eight-year-old computer resting on my lap. People passing by didn’t realize that my friends and family were engaging in the titanic task of holding me up as I staggered [...]
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