MEANING OF LIFE: TITS ON PURPOSE

I was sitting in Kensington Market when I saw a beautiful topless girl. This sparked a thought that would go from Facebook photoshopped statuses to genocide to the miracle of life, and a meaning beyond purpose. Enjoy the view.

Monsters Don’t Hit Women, Our Friends Do

I’m at an art gallery, drinking before I have eaten, trying my best to look sophisticated. I see pictures of Bill Clinton tenderly kissing Hilary on the lips, love in his eyes, staring at a woman he will disgrace and throw into the upper echelons of American politics. I see Michael Jackson on a swing [...]

Book of Job Chapter 1: Loving Kindness Meditation for Motherfuckers

Free at 23 It was the summer of Arab Spring where a few thousand Western Jerk offs claimed responsibility for changing the world with their twitter accounts. Where Arabs fought and died for a dream of a democracy we’d long since abandoned. Where a famine struck Africa and a few people wondered why there wasn’t [...]

A Night With “Eugene Levy”: Complicated Compassion for a Crackhead

My conversation companion and I are talking quite heatedly about nothing. The purpose of the discussion is to distract him from the Queen sipping a gin and tonic in her Medieval Times crown. “You ever get so drunk you can’t see straight, Eugene?” “Eugene who?” Off to the side of us the people I came [...]

Collecting Things to Throw Away

I’ve recently decided it was time to open up Colony of Losers to my colony of talented friends. Chad Pelley was the first person to come to mind and we aren’t particularly close in real life. Over the last year of reading his Facebook statuses I slowly began to read his work and found that [...]

Veruca Salt Sells Viagra to Her Parents (The Joys of Being 21)

I’ll admit I’m not prone to enjoying strangers right now. “Yes, her teeth are thicker. You know how she had thin teeth? They are thicker now. Mom, I can’t even begin to tell you what this will do for your life,” she says in a tone that brings to mind Sevngali as played by Veruca [...]

Chronicle Herald: Brutal Honesty on Blogger’s Site

About last year at this time, Michael Kimber had lost his job and was on the verge of losing the most important relationship in his life. He had struggled with sleeplessness, severe depression and anxiety since 2009, after graduating from a journalism program in Halifax. At that time, as he says in his poem The [...]

Happy Holidays#3: Christmas for the Jews and Papa Quimborius

My dad is driving me back from the airport. I’m making jokes and talking about my latest plots to make my dreams come true. He’s been listening to these stories since I was ten years old. When I was working on my first novel, as our idiot dog Gabby dragged me through Point Pleasant Park, [...]

CBC Interview: Carmen Klassen from Close To Home Interviews Quimbo

Cup Half Full of Piss: The Job Hunt

One would assume that a university degree would allow me to get some variety of job that isn’t advertised on Craiglist, Monster, Workinculture.ca or Kijii. This may be true. But as I lack the political connections to get the jobs I’m qualified for, I’m left to search through the shit piles of the job market. [...]

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About

Michael Kimber is a 26-year-old journalist who suffered a nervous breakdown on November 3rd, 2009. On March 28th, 2010 when he recovered from mental illness, he began writing a blog called Colony-of-losers. About falling on your face to figure out who you are and the hilarious antics of a blond jew. What began with a few friends and his mother reading has become a cult phenomenon, averaging 10,000 views a week, receiving praise from Commonwealth Award Winner Shandi Mitchell and many others. On, November 3rd, 2010, the one year anniversary of his mental breakdown he signed with Anne McDermid and Associates, the largest literary agency in Canada. In a year he went from wearing pajamas, making his couch depression HQ to leaving his hometown for the Toronto, where he exclusively wears business suits and the armor of ancient Greeks. Don't worry, he's still choking on the feet he contently sticks in his mouth and making moments awkward just by being part of them. During these struggles he met other talented bastards and drew them into his circle. Peter Diamond became his illustrator. Patrick Campbell his video editor and part time photographer. He recently added the incredibly talented John Packman as Colony of Losers Toronto photographer. Without the support of the Colony of Losers, Michael Kimber would be nothing. Welcome to the losers and the success that comes from utter and complete failure. You aren’t alone. Follow him on twitter.com/colonyoflosersand twitter.com/quimbo. If you’d like to hire him for a public speaking engagement for mental health events in Toronto, like to arrange an interview, offer millions to publish his book or for another reason contact Michael please email him. And join his facebook Colony of Losers.

Really obvious disclaimer:
I’m not a trained psychologist. Just a fellow traveler. If you need help seek it from the professionals. The Canadian Mental Health Association provides a help locator. You can find crisis resources provided by the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. If you are in the states check here. It will give you services by zip code. I’d also recommend checking out Mindyourmind.ca. I think they do great work and have been a help to me personally.

Fantastic Thoughts of Quimbo

I suffer from anxiety, being a twenty something and having an awesome blog. Check out colony-of-losers.com

Obama should do this to Romney

Do you think the Coca Cola executive who made up Santa is in hell being tortured by the baby jesus?

I shaved my neck beard increasing my general level of handsomeness. This made me feel fit. I didn't go to the gym today for this reason.

I saw a man reading Audacity of Hope in Starbucks with tears rolling down his cheeks. The question is for what reason?

I always count on someone at a bar to instruct me to become a better person. I learned don't go to Walmart, they killed 3 billion kids.#true

Give it up for all the kids who used to chew on their hoodie handles of their sweaters.

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